Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
