Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
