Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
