So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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