so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Girls should come with a carfax report
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When are your genitals available?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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