I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
