It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
