i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
