mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
