there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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