You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
