I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
