we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
