I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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