his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
