woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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