She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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