Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
