She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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