he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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