Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just pee around me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
