ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
