the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
