My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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