Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
