Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
