I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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