Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
