I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
