one might say we're banned from that church
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
