it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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