i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
