You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
