I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Randomize
