I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
