Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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