I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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