You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Come share oat with me in your robe
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
