He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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