Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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