I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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