you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
