all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
