i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
