Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
