Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
