ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
