Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Randomize
