We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
