Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize