I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
