Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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