i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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