so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize