i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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