Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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