so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
