i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
