Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
