if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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