In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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