it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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