Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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