Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
