Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
