I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
