I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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